WITH ALOR STAR HASH-15TH DECEMBER, 2013
Scribed by Coconut Kernel
The concept of Animales-on-the-loose was initiated by current GM Menses. Animales would unexpectedly “pounce” on a “batang” chaper on their regular runs. The Animales were aware, but not the hosting chapters. This resulted in a minor logistics crisis, especially with the smaller chapters if the Animales come in force of a few or more. Beers and food would run short. Thus the hosts were eventually “tipped off.” It was in this context that Alor Star (AS) was “invaded” on 15 Dec 12, a Saturday which is AS’s normal run day.
The Animales had gone “on-the-loose” with most of the batang chapters in the Klang Valley, Bentong Ahiahs, Jerantut Jantans and the Seremban Hazards. Next on line will be the Medan-based Batang Jaya on 14 Mar 13. Several Animales had already booked air tickets.
Initial show of hands indicated more than a dozen going to AS. On the actual day, 7 Animales made the trip north. Chicken-Shit went a couple of days earlier to Hatyai to pay homage to the goddess of sex and came south. Bamboo Choy had Menses riding shotgun. Tiger, Puduku and Kernel had a fright of their lives with “grand prix” driver Little-Prick at the wheels. “I overtake right, left or centre as long as I see a gap,” Little-Prick explained his driving technique. “I have received more than 30 speeding summons before. All my connections ‘kow-tim’”, he further elaborated, as Tiger sitting on the front pax seat, shifted uneasily as he felt his balls shrinking a little. By the way, on the way home, Little-Prick picked up another speeding ticket for doing 110kph at a 60kph speed zone.
Thanks to speedy driving, with several stops for peeing and a prolonged lunch stop in Taiping, we reached AS Rainbow hotel in time, with AS escort, Monkey waiting for us at the first AS toll gate. The 2 cars had travelled more than 500km, but still had to wait for Chicken-Shit who only needed to travel less than 100km from Hatyai. GM would sort him out.
We arrived at the runsite in Bk Pinang just past 6.00 p.m. A larger than normal crowd of 50 plus AS brothers were there to greet us. The hundreds of colourful graves in this Chinese Cemetery did not damper our spirits. A wave of nostalgia swarmed over me, as Bk Pinang was the very runsite, when I first ran with AS in November, 1982! (Actually, it was about a km away, just after the village). This runsite was too much prostituted and AS seldom uses it, except for this occasion. I was really honoured! GM Sabun was at the forefront, shirtless showing his mucho body, especially where beers had taken toll of his growing belly.
At 6:15 p.m. Sabun called on-on, after commenting, “This run short one-lah, only one small hill.” We went around the cemetery and into bushes and then out along a kampong road. The flat area was cover with green paddy stalks and kids were playing in the kampong. The sun was low on the horizon and previous rain had cooled the environment.
About 15 minutes into the run, we encountered a medium hill with muddy and slippery tracks. Sensing my discomfort and noticing Puduku’s bandaged and limping knee, Tongkat-Ali provided assurance, “We make sure you all will be safe. That’s why we send western-medicine doctor Tits-Ooi with you,” beckoning to my walking companion of similar vintage. I could read Tits’s thoughts, “Also we have an Asian spiritual doctor with us, bomoh Tongkat-Ali, to parley us through the spiritual realm.” Later at the circle, I gave Tongkat-Ali the Ice-seat of honour, for his safety consciousness.
The run was generally up and down on this one hill. The tracks were slippery and became a challenge for over-weight, tongkat-carrying hashers with bad knees. With much caution and an abundance of handholds provided by the low trees, Puduku and I completed the run without any obvious physical damage, in just over an hour. FROPs did it in about 45 minutes. On downing our first beers, we thanked both our doctor-escorts.
About 8.30 p.m., Sabun started the “circle” with welcoming the guests, announcements and icings. When one sits on ice in AS, the delinquent is shirtless, hugging a block of ice. The chilling effect is doubled. When I hashed with AS in the 80’s, there were no circles to speak of. The On-Sex made all the announcements at a time when sufficient beers enhanced his eloquence. Then food was served, washed down with more beers. Singing of hash or whatever songs our mothers never taught us lasted till the beers ran out. Triple on and more makan at nearby restaurants were common. Encouraged by beers, bets on various topics were also common. I remember the occasion at Bk Wang where ex-AS hasher 30-something Jayamohan lost a crate of beers, because he could not have an erection, despite much coaxing. Lubang-Hidup pissed onto an empty beer bottle and challenged anyone to drink his piss. Ex-AS hasher Susibalan did and Lubang lost several crates. On another occasion, Lubang bet that an overturned tortoise could not get up. It did and he lost again, the born-loser.
Back to the current circle. After the GM had his say, it was opened to anyone who had charges. Menses & Bamboo did fair justice to the ice. Several delinquents, starting with Chicken-Shit, did not escape GM’s sharp eyes. The icing changed hands again. Before the evening ended, I was on-downed with the old farts who were with me in AS in the early 80’s, namely Tits, Guitar Tan, Chew-Cheng & Sardine. Delicious chicken curry rice was served at 9.00 something. “Only fruits and peanuts were served pre-dinner,” observed Menses. And no one clamoured for food. Look’s like Freeloader would not be able to survive in AS.
Drinking continued until past 11.00 p.m. when we adjourned. Menses, Bamboo, Tiger and Chicken-Shit were taken by the AS boys for more beers and makan. A commotion in one of the rooms announced their return to the hotel. It must have been past 3.00 a.m.?
The next morning, sharp at 10.30 a.m. Sabun & Monkey were at the hotel to guide us to a restaurant for a brunch of unique AS seafood. KK, who came late for the run, the previous night, joined us at the restaurant. Pleasantly Low-Hai & Tak-Ban who were not at the runsite also joined us. After that, it was to the Istana Anak Bukit for a guided tour by Tongkat-Ali, who, when not hashing resides in the palace grounds. At about 2.00 p.m., one car headed south and our carload of foursome headed north to Danok. Tiger would scribe this part, if he gets his arms twisted.
To end this script, I quote Menses, “I am humbled by the AS experience. I learnt a few things about their circle.” And he said it not under the influence of alcohol. Thank you AS brothers. I am proud and glad to state again that AS is my alma mater of hashing!
On on till we meet again.
Footnote: I was informed that a senior member of AS had resigned over a constitutional infringement regarding the presence of unmentionables in an overseas/out-station run. The “lawbreakers” showed remorse, repented and were punished. The senior member withdrew the resignation. And it all ended happily after!
I remembered when the late Dharam Singh was GM of AS. He mentioned that in the early formative years of the late 70’s, he attended a forum called by the PJ (Animals) Hash to discuss with the other batang chapters, the issue of unmentionables in batang runs. The uncompromising stand was a “no, no”. I Quote Animales founder, Allan Chibai, on the clarion call of “Keep Harriers for men only.” “We are not against women running in hash, just use the proper names, Harriers for men and Harriettes for women. If it is a mixed chapter, call it Harriers and Harriettes,” explained Chibai.