Hash House Harriers

The Hash House Harriers (abbreviated to HHH, H3, or referred to simply as hashing) is an international group of non-competitive running, social clubs. An event organized by a club is known as a hash or hash run, with participants calling themselves hashers or hares and hounds.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rehash from Coconut Kernel

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. Due to fog at Alor Setar Airport, we will be unable to land immediately……….” The Air Asia flight from KLIA to Alor Setar circled for about 20 minutes before the pilot attempted an approach. The runway could not be sighted and the aircraft overshot and diverted to Penang. The almost full load of passengers, including some 30 odd Animale and Kajang Batang hashers were full of consternation. A bus ride from Penang to AS was in contemplation.

There was relief when the pilot announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for being unable to land at Alor Setar. We are now proceeding to Penang for refueling. On completion, we will fly to Alor Setar again. By then the fog would have lifted.” The fog did and a successful landing was carried out at AS, after a delay of almost 2 hours plus. The time was about 1100 hrs.

A half an hour taxi ride, after disembarking from the aircraft took us to the border town of Danok. Why Danok, Thailand for a Malaysian anniversary run? The answer is why not Danok? The beer is cheaper, food spicier and entertainment superior and more readily available. For the opening ceremony, the District Deputy Police Chief officiated. Where to get?

Accommodation was at the Her Jin Hotel. It was brand new. In July when the Batang Nash Hash was held there, this hotel was under construction. At this rate of development, Danok is catching up fast with Hadyai as the pleasure center of Southern Thailand. Tiger Lee was at the hotel lobby to greet and organize the rooms. He was there the night before. “To organize for you buggers,” he claimed, but you and I know better. His bloodshot eyes told no lies.

After a hasty brunch, there was still time for a 2-hour traditional massage, before reporting to the runsite a mere km away. The site was a new resort spa hotel, which had been fully booked by AS hashers. Why a resort hotel in Danok, your Scribe could not phantom. There were no swimming pool or sport facilities. The easy drive-in to the motel rooms suggested an answer.

The banners welcoming hashers, big stage with massive loud speakers and neatly-laid out dinning tables, told of the festive atmosphere. Host GM Tits Ooi and prominent AS Hashers were there to greet hashers. “Welcome Kernel, great to see you guys,” as Tits embraced Scribe, his breath reeking of alcohol. The party had started already.

The hungry tucked into the delicious fried chicken wings and kueh-muehs, generously spread around, as pre-run snacks.

“Gather in-front of the stage for photos,” commanded the MC, Cow. The time was close to 5.00 p.m. Co-MC and organizing chairman, KK translated in Mandarin and Malay, for the benefit of those who went to school not to learn English, but to gamble by opening pages of thick textbooks.

“The run is slightly more than 1 hour,” promised the MC. There was apprehension, as at the last gathering here for the Batang Nash Hash, the MC said likewise. Scribe had completed the run in 2 and a half hours. Cow did not lie, as he had done this run 3 times before.

The Danok area is generally flat, with rubber estates and small vegetable farms. The paper led into rubber, crossed a shiggy before hitting high tension wires and went anti-clockwise. 5.00 p.m. is actually 4.00 p.m. in Thailand. So it was still hot and humid.. To placate any worry about security, due to the political unrest in neighboring Patani Province, the organizers had recruited the help of the district police. There must have been about a platoon (30-40 men) of them stationed strategically along the run route. Their slung rifles were deterrents to any suicidal bombers.

Half an hour into the run, a check confused the back runners, many checking vainly in the wrong directions, until a kampung lady indicated the correct direction. The high tension wire was reached again, and paper led away from home. A few could be seen contemplating a “tactical re-routing.” The unfamiliar terrain probably discouraged them.

About another half an hour of flat rubbers, a macadamized road was reached. This further lead to the Malaysian/Thai border, demarcated by double layers of barb-wire fences, along which the road went. Loud music could be heard from the resort. Home was not to far away. The run was going to be of a civilized length. Scribe completed in an hour and 20 minutes. FROPs did it in just over an hour. Not long, but enough to attain the hash run objective of “some exercise”, to be followed by “fun and fellowship”.

Thirst could easily be quenched by the abundance of mineral water, but the same could not be said for beers. The sole beer wagon with 2 dispensers could not cope although the brewery staff worked feverishly. Many thirsty hashers could not wait and forgot that the word “queue” existed. The hosts took charge and instituted some order. This was to be one of 2 minus points about this function. For a gathering this size, nearly 500, beer points should be at least 3 or 4.

Close to 7.00 p.m., MC Cow called the crowd to the side of the stage for the circle. To control a crowd this size, an amplification system was needed. Unfortunately, the speakers were facing the wrong way. This was the second minus point. “Actually, we intended to have it in-front of the stage, but the electrician was worried about the wires in the way,” explained the always amicable Cow.

Several icings were conducted and attending GMs were not forgotten. About half an hour of this and hashers were advised to prepare for the official opening by the Dep Police Chief. Sit-down diner, in-front and around the stage, was to commence at 8.00 p.m.

Shortly after, the entertainment started with a bang, with showgirls imported from Phuket. Their scantily-clad, tall and slender bodies caught the eyes of many admirers, amongst whom was Bandit Joe who could not stop salivating the whole evening. Whether they were “real” or akua, was a source of argument. “Don’t care-lah,” said Hard-Ho as he and Smooth Prick, kept on fondling the many beauties, later in the evening.

There were even real unmentionables on stage, albeit of a lesser stature. But the drooling was of no less intensity. Then the rain came and it poured. To the credit of the organizers and performers, the show went on, more interesting so, as the water made transparent what was underneath the thin dresses of the performers. Finally, the electrician stopped the show, as he feared for his electronic equipment.

It took half an hour to re-organize the show for it to be continued indoors, but by then, most of the crowd had departed for commercial pleasures at the numerous nightclubs and joints. As an interlude, JM Wank2 heralded the forever-hardcore Animales for a sing-along.

Several of the hosts apologized for the show disruption. There was no need. AS had put up a professional show of international tourist standard, unfortunately the rain had to pour. Personally, Scribe is of the opinion that the show got better. The showgirls were within “arms length” indoors. Ask the numerous hashers who had a field day trying to find out the authenticity of the akuas’ boops. Tiny g-strings and little stars were what separated the girls’ modesty from complete nudity. The likes of Bomba Mike and Hard-Ho kept on taking the stars off, extracting controlled high-pitch screams from the “girls.”

When this event was described on the following Monday run, Raja Bot Charan confessed, “Aiyoh, I got a hard-on, lah,”

The show ended at midnight. By then, Tits Ooi and our Great One, Eric the Plick were both collapsed on the floor, succumbing to the many toasting, firstly to the great hosts and subsequently to the enthusiastic supportive participants. PJ Animales’ GM had to comply to popular demands for on-downs. Consistently horny and thirsty hashers could easily find spots to satisfy their needs, even in the wee hours of the approaching dawn. The hotel buffet breakfast was a complete lack of decorum, as noisy hashers wolfed down the food faster than the chef could prepare. What a gluttony!

Close to noon, some, like Simple Licker, trickled into the coffee house and ask, “What’s for breakfast,?” “What farking breakfast, it’s lunchtime!” chorused those who had already eaten.
Wank2 exercised authority and ordered Kupu2 to bring out the bongos. Singing went on, until told by the hotel management, that other guests were frightened off. The singing then adjourned to a kopi-tiam across the road from the hotel.

“Eh, you wankers, taxi coming at 5.00, get ready,” Tiger took charge to ensure that our mob would not missed the flight home at 2020 hrs.

At 5.00, all were ready at the lobby. “Still got time for beers,” commanded the Great One and a nearby pub improved its sales. All the time, the Animales had the exalted presence of Cow and Tongkat Ali, who is the honorary mayor of Danok. Anyone wants to get things done in Danok, Tongkat Ali has the contact. If your unmentionables want to do shopping, don’t bother him.

Departure was finally achieved at 6.00 p.m, to arrive at AS Airport at 7.15 p.m. just in time for checking in. The flight was on time and a smooth landing at KLIA, less than an hour later, marked the end of another great hash weekend. Most would have been in bed by midnight and when asked by their unmentionables, probably replied, “Just another batang run-lah, a lot of beers and the run was too long, very tired-lah, standard pondan show. Good night.” But those who were there knew better.

Your Scribe was a member of AS Hash in the early 80’s and had attended almost all of AS celebration runs since then. This is the best ever. Congratulations and thanks to the OC KK, GM Tits Ooi, committee and members of Alor Setar Hash House Harriers. I am proud to have been a member of ASHHH once, and also a member of this male chauvinistic fraternity, called the Batang Hash. Perhaps the PJ Animale might want to sub-contract the Batang Nash Hash of 2007 to AS to be held in Danok?

On on to the Batang Hashing !!

Posted by Coconut

1 comment:

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