Scribed by Coconut Kernel
I first started hashing in Alor Setar at the end of 1982. Since then, until April 1986, when I was transferred from Alor Setar to KL, I had remained a member. At my parting, I remarked that “I never had such unadulterated fun and the only regret was not having joined the Hash sooner.” After leaving Alor Setar, I made it an effort to attend all its celebration runs and I believe I had not missed one since then. All the runs were great, especially for me to meet old friends, and the last, the 33rd Anniversary held over the weekend of 11 & 12 December, 2010 at Danok was no exception.
Why hold a hash run at Danok? “Why not?” is my answer. Danok is one of 4 border crossings between Malaysia and Thailand, the others, being Padang Besar, Betong and Golok. Danok, one could say is a miniature of Pattaya, renown amongst sex-tourists as the raunchiest city in the World, beating near competitor Angeles City in the Philippines. Danok has duty free beers, great cheap food and numerous nightclubs, “manned” by unmentionables from as far as Cambodia and China. Mandarin is commonly spoken, which goes well with the Chinamen Hashers of Malaysia. Add on the anything-goes attitude of the Thai authorities, does one need more justification?
In the 90’s, Alor Setar’s best kept secret was its regular Cross-Border runs to Danok, for its members only. When many Hashers, including your Scribe got wind of this, Alor Setar was requested to throw this open to others and better still have their future celebrations at Danok. They did, including when Alor Setar hosted the Northern Quadrangular in 2003 and 2007. (The Quadrangular is a gathering of 4 hardcore batang chapters, including Ipoh, Kampar Jaya and the PJ Animales, all more than 30 years old)
Although the official event was the run on Saturday, on Friday at least a couple of hundreds of eager hashers were already in Danok, including the busload from the Animales, supplemented by several from the western Australian city of Perth. These wankers had heard so much about Danok runs, that they were ready to subject themselves to bodily risk by crossing the airspace of Indonesia, to get here. Although uncalled for, the hosts welcomed all to drink-ups at the KPK main hotel. The basement karaoke had the lure of GROS and plenty of cold beers. The GROs of course came at one’s own expense. Late in the evening, many, especially the unmentionables were in the ritual of “head-shaking”. A surprise find was the bar at the back of the KPK Garden, a wing of the main KPK. It had a live band which played nostalgic country and western music. A few Animales, led by GM Wank-Wank and OC Hardwhore, danced till the wee hours of the morning.
Registration, a Record For Batang Hashes?
Registration was open at 1.00 p.m. A total of more than 800 turned up. “Why so many?” scribed asked GM “Tits” Ooi. “What to do, they all called up. No freebees never mind, they just wanted to attend.” And attended they did and had a good time. Worthy of mentioned is the almost 60-member contingent from Batang Jaya of Medan, Indonesia. The rest came from all parts of Peninsular Malaysia. Quoting “Shit-head” of South of Perth City Hash, “During the last couple of years, I had been to this part of the world 4 times, one in Betong (for the Batang Nash Hash) and 3 times here. Once was after the PJ Animales’ 33rd Anniversary.” This must certainly be the highest Batang Hash gathering in this region and probably the world and all being FOC! This must be a record!
True to Malaysian hash culture, food was already available. The favourite was the “char-kway”, rice cake fried “char-kway-teow” style. The chef fried non-stop, till the dish ran out in the evening!
The Run
The run started from the grounds of the KPK Garden at 4.00 p.m. sharp, but not before recognition was given to the main sponsor, who had donated RM20,000. The lit firecrackers heralded the start. MC was the diehard “Cow”, speaking in near-perfect “Queen’s” English and ably translated into Mandarin by KK, “Today there is only one run. Just follow this paper. You have to climb only a few small hills. Front runners will come out between 1 hour and 1 hour 15 minutes. The last runners should be out between an hour half to 2 hours.” GM “Tits” flagged off the run.
Immediately the busy Danok/Hat Yai Highway was crossed. On the other side of the road, a soi (lane) was traversed. After a few turns, in about 20 minutes the rubber was estate was reached. Run direction was generally to the right for a counter-clockwise run. About 45 minutes into the run, a metalled road was crossed, and the mentioned small hills were encountered. FROBs climbed and SCBs tracked between the hill and the road. Soon the road was crossed again taking runners to the edge of the scenic Water Lake. (The Water Lake is fringed by several restaurants. The previous night the Animales had a feast there.) Around the lake, paper went uphill again and FROBs were observed to be going to the left for the home run. Scribe decided that it was enough and went right along the edge of the lake. I took the road towards Danok. After a km or 2, the hotel van came from behind and offered a welcomed ride back to the hotel. Along the way, some “lost” souls were seen going back into the rubbers for a short-cut. The van further picked up 3 hashers, one of whom was “Tokyo” of AS and was warmly greeted by Scribe.
Back at the hotel, the mid-pack was coming in. The time was about an hour and a half. Tiger beers welcomed the thirsty runners, finger food was there to replenish energies. Over beers, camaraderie was renewed. For Scribe, it was opportune to meet old friends, especially from AS. Peter “Guitar” Tan is still single at 62 years old. “Lubang Hidup” had still not lost his habitual twitch. “China Gila” after more than a decade of being GM of Kota Setar, had finally stepped down. “Sardine” Singh left early and so I missed him. I shall stop here, otherwise, this article would be too boringly long.
The Circle and More Entertainment
Soon after the main buffet was served, all GMs and representatives were called on stage and accorded recognition. There were about 40, indicating the number of Batang chapters attending. One thing is for sure, the batangs are not going to be overwhelmed by the more numerous mixed chapters! After the GM on-downs, there were calls for hash performers. The few who went on stage to sing was coolly applauded. The audience slowly fizzled out to more interesting pursuits, like talking cock over cold beers. But the atmosphere changed, when show-time was announced. As the scantily-clad showgirls appeared on stage, the empty chairs in front of the stage were quickly filled. Loud disco music, perfect and gyrating female bodies never fail to attract men’s attention. The show lasting about 45 minutes was needless to say, well-received.
At the end of show-time, and warmed by it, hashers were seen going to their rooms, where their bought unmentionables were waiting to give sexciting service. Many went for more beers and “hunting” at the numerous bars and karaokes. The diehards just stood around at the site and justified the beers that were lavishly served by the gracious hosts. Past mid-night, the live-band next door was a ready alternative for more beers. Even at this hour, fresh seafood was available at reasonable cost. Ask “Balancing” and his Bhayi companions. GM “Wank-wank”, together with “Tits” of AS showed good leadership by dancing till they nearly dropped. Special observation was that “Tiger” was still energetic, while his companion showed sign of fatigue. What medicine did “Tiger” take and what did he do to the companion?
This party ended well past 3.00 a.m.
Farewell
At the KPK Coffee House where breakfast was served on Sunday morning, hungry hashers dived into the breakfast and kept the cooks busy dishing out food continuously. The scene is probably repeated at a few other hotels in town. “The bus leaves at 10.00 am,” announced OC Hardwhore and echoed by Tiger. Joint OC, Puduku was not seen, probably nursing a hangover with fellow drunkard, Kupu-kupu.
Hasty goodbyes and thank you’s and “you guys did a great job” were said to Tits, Loh-hai and the AS mob. Scribe, together with some Animales took the hotel van to the Immigration. After immigration formalities, they boarded the bus for the mundane trip home, where they would say to their unmentionables, “Normal run-lah, lot’s of beers and food only-lah.”
Your Scribe then did the opposite from Friday’s routing, taking the one and half hour van ride from Danok to Hat Yai. Then it was a hazardous 30 minutes trip by tuk-tuk to the airport. On the 1 hour fifteen flight to Bangkok, I was thinking about what I would write for this outing. Undoubtedly, I would end by saying, “Alor Setar you have done it again. You now stand taller than before. I am proud to claim that Alor Setar is my alma mater of Hash.” We look forward to your hosting the Northern Quadrangular next year.
On on!
